Why Kaiba Doesn't Drink Tea
by Persephone Zekk
Summary: Kaiba and Tea mutual hatred fic. Kaiba goes to Pegasus' tea party to duel, but he finds the most annoying girl in Tokyo named Tea and her brother and duels with all of the expert duelists in Tokyo. Tea and Kaiba give each other death glares all night.
1. Preparing For the Tea Party

Fandom: Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters

Pairing: Kaiba and Tea

Title: Why Kaiba Doesn't Drink Tea

_Chapter 1: Preparing For the Tea Party_

A/N: I do NOT own Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters, an Iphone, the company of Iphones, the brand name of Q-tips, or Rembrandt toothpaste. I unfortunately also do not own Kaiba. I am, however, very glad that I do not own Tea.

"You have cordially been invited to Pegasus J. Crawford's tea party at Industrial Illusions in celebration of a grand opening of the 37th set of Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters trading cards," Kaiba read emotionlessly from a frilly pink, elegant invitation Pegasus sent him in the mail.

_Kaiba wondered why Pegasus was inviting him to a tea party, much less for a grand opening for an edition of a children's card game. _

"There will be tea, finger sandwiches, and dueling (only for those with expertise)," Kaiba continued to read with the same emotionless tone as before. _That's why._

Kaiba loved to duel. Despite what Yugi told him, he still believed that he was the best duelist in all of Tokyo. He prided himself in his ability to duel. He so wanted to show up to the tea party and crash everyone's dreams. After all, he was the sexy, rich Seto Kaiba, evil male duelist and Emperor of all of Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters.

No one was in the Seto mansion that day besides Kaiba. His brother, Mokuba, was off playing with one of his friends today, and the servants of the mansion had a day off. Kaiba finally had peace and quiet that day.

After setting down the invitation on his mahogany desk, Kaiba walked to his walk-in closet to pick out his clothes. He furrowed his thin, brown eyebrows at the large selection of clothes he had and tried to figure out what outfit would best fit the occasion of a tea party in which he would undoubtedly be the star. He decided that he would look the most badass in a maroon overcoat.

Since Kaiba wasn't preparing himself for an orgy, he needed to add black leather pants and a black spandex tank-top to his outfit. Some black cotton socks and his standard black boots would also compliment his sexy maroon overcoat.

He smiled and pulled his selection out of his closet and headed for his bathroom. His bathroom was really huge; it was a 30 foot by 30 foot room adorned with a two foot by two foot area designated for a shower in a corner of the room. A spa was located in the middle of the room, which took up a four foot by six foot area. The spa was two feet deep. A row of sinks lined the left wall from where the entrance of the bathroom was. A toilet room was located to the right.

Kaiba set his clean clothes on a ledge next to the shower before stripping out of his pressed jeans, white socks, black and white vertically-striped collared blouse with short sleeves, and his white silk boxers. He left his clothes in a pile in front of the shower before opening its glass door and stepping into it. He closed the door behind him. He turned on the shower and instantly felt warm water falling on him. The warm water felt sensual against his smooth pale skin. His spiky brown locks were slowly beginning to stick to his face. They were also beginning to cover his sapphire eyes. The water glistened against his sexy defined muscles. He moaned in pleasure as the water hit his stressed muscles and warmed his previously cold pale skin. It was hard to be an evil male duelist.

He grabbed the raspberry-flavored shampoo from a ledge, opened it, poured a handful in his left hand, and closed the bottle with his right hand by pressing the cap with his left arm. Kaiba put the bottle back on the ledge before lathering his brown locks slowly with the shampoo; he paid special attention to massaging his scalp in the process. Another sexy moan escaped his mouth as he closed his eyes and washed his hair. Shampoo and water were racing down his body as he continued to bathe himself. Even rich evil male duelists needed to look presentable at tea parties, no matter how vile Kaiba thought tea parties were.

He then grabbed a large bar of white ivory soap from another ledge and began to rub himself all over with it. The soap felt so soft against his skin. After all of the bubbles had washed off of Kaiba's hair, he opened his eyes again to watch where he washed himself. He made sure that he washed every crevice of his perfectly-sculpted body; he washed behind his ears, in his ears via his soap-covered fingers, his armpits, between his toes, and two other places that very few other than Kaiba have ever ventured to touch. This evil male duelist was no easy lay for anyone.

As soon as he finished his deep cleaning, he placed the soap back on its ledge and began to rinse by standing underneath the warm water. He turned up the heat because he felt like being drenched with scorching water. The evil male duelist liked his water (and everything else) hot. He moaned in ecstasy as the hot water rinsed him. He spread his arms out to let more of the water land on his body.

After a moment of letting the scorching water rinse his body, Kaiba decided to adjust the water temperature to freezing ass cold. He apparently wanted to close the small pores on his skin. He allowed the cold water to rinse his body for two minutes before finally turning off the water. When he did, he shook and splashed the sides of the tinted glass shower with the water left in his hair. He looked like a dog for a moment. He opened the door of his shower, stepped over the pile of clothes, and went to grab his white 100% cotton towel from a near-by rack. He began to dry himself off. He liked how the towel felt against his skin. His member even randomly decided to respond to the towel touching his skin. He wrapped the towel around his slender waist before walking to the sink with his toothbrush near it. Kaiba bent down slightly to open the top drawer to find his Rembrandt toothpaste. His butt was slightly higher in the air before he grabbed the tube of toothpaste and set it on the counter next to the sink. He picked up the tube of toothpaste, opened it, and then poured a small amount on his blue toothbrush. He picked up the toothbrush with his left hand and shoved it in his mouth before closing the toothpaste tube and setting it on the counter. He brushed his teeth with his left hand before bending back down and opening the top drawer. He threw the toothpaste tube in there, closed the drawer, and resumed brushing his teeth.

When he had brushed every nook and cranny of his mouth, he spat out the toothpaste residue and turned the faucet on to allow hot water to rush out of it. He immediately rinsed his toothbrush off before drying it off with a 100% white cotton hand towel and lacing it in the top drawer of the sink unit. He turned the water off before grabbing the Seto Mouth Rinse Formula bottle. He opened the bottle, poured some formula into his mouth, closed the bottle, put it on the counter, and gargled until he felt his mouth was germ-free. He spat out the minty-fresh substance and walked toward where his clean clothes were. He unraveled the towel from his waist. He stepped out of the pool his towel made when it dropped to his feet.

The first article of clothing to become attached to Kaiba's slim body was the black leather pair of pants. He slowly zipped up his zipper on his leather pants before tying them up as well. Then, he placed upon himself the black spandex tank-top. He left his other clothes on a ledge near the shower before returning to the sinks. From a second drawer, he grabbed a large black hairbrush and then began to brush his brown locks. Brushing his hair also brought upon somatosensory pleasure. He moaned as he continued to brush his locks.

A few moments later, he grabbed some deodorant from the second drawer, opened it, and placed it in his armpits so that he could smell pretty. After closing the deodorant, he closed the second drawer before he opened the third and bottom drawer. From the bottom drawer, he picked a few Q-tips that were designated to clean his ears. He cleaned his pointy ears completely and set the nasty Q-tips on the counter. He then walked over to where the rest of his clothes were before dressing himself in his maroon overcoat. He sat on the ledge where his overcoat previously was and placed his black cotton socks on his feet. Soon after, he finished his outfit by putting on his black boots. The evil male duelist then strolled over to the mirror to look at himself. Besides dueling, staring at his gorgeous self in the mirror was his favorite thing to do.

He smiled widely with his pearly whites and mentally noted how absolutely dashing he looked. He even brushed right hand through his hair before turning slightly away from the mirror, pointing at the mirror, winking at his reflection, and making a flirty sound with his teeth. With that, he marched proudly out of the bathroom back to his own large bedroom.

He searched for his best deck, his duel disk, his wallet, his Iphone, and the keys to his jet. When he placed these things in his pocket, he rushed to the roof where his jet was located. Of course on the way there, Kaiba did not trip at all because he was graceful.

When he had finished climbing the stairs to his rooftop, he smiled widely and ran to his jet before climbing inside it. He rushed to the driver's seat, fished his keys out of his pocket, put the keys into the ignition, started the ignition, looked to see if anything was in the sky, and when all was clear, he took off. He smiled triumphantly as he headed for Industrial Illusions.


	2. At The Party Part I

Fandom: Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters

Pairing: Kaiba and Tea

Title: Why Kaiba Doesn't Drink Tea

_Chapter 2: At the Tea Party (Part I)_

A/N: I do NOT own Yugi-Oh! Duel Monsters, Kaiba, Tea, or any characters that I mention here. The next big update will be in the next chapter.

Kaiba parked his jet inside the Industrial Illusions gate. He took the keys out of the ignition, placed them in his pocket, and jumped outside of the driver's seat. He then walked calmly out of the jet before locking it. He took a deep breath before walking regally through the doors of Pegasus' establishment.

Pegasus immediately spotted the sexy evil male duelist and glided toward him smoothly. Kaiba looked around the grand lobby of the large business Pegasus owned. Nearly every expert duelist in Tokyo was there. Kaiba did not notice Pegasus gliding toward him; instead, he noticed the plethora of maroons and reds that adorned the room in which the tea party was held. He subconsciously let his mouth open slightly as he soaked in the atmosphere around him in sheer amazement. His eyes widened slightly as he noticed the other duelists have a few duels themselves.

He also noticed the glamorous maroon large rug with gold lining that covered the fuchsia floor. In the middle of the room, there was a large white table that was covered with a royal purple satin tablecloth. On top of the table, every kind of finger sandwich imaginable was stacked in pyramid-shapes on six large white plates. There were also several tiny plates and tea cups on the table. Pots of coffee and tea were abundant. There were even pitchers of punch on the table. Kaiba grinned and knew he did not regret coming to the tea party after all.

"Greetings, Kaiba," Pegasus said to knock Kaiba out of his reverie.

Kaiba smirked at Pegasus. "Greetings," he said.

"Nice to have you here," said Pegasus.

Kaiba kept the smirk on his face, folded his arms across his slim and sexy chest, and nodded back to Pegasus. It was at that moment when both of them noticed how well Kaiba's attire matched the scenery. Pegasus naturally spoke, first, however.

"How did you know my place was going to be decorated in maroons, Kaiba?" Pegasus asked.

"I didn't…?" Kaiba responded before he raised his right thin eyebrow.

"You always match the occasion, Kaiba. I trust you brought your best deck and duel disk?" Pegasus asked.

Kaiba grinned evilly and nodded. "Oh yeah. That's why I came," he said as he dramatically pulled out his deck of cards and duel disk.

Pegasus grinned at him. "Ah. Prepared for anything like always. It's one of the great advantages to being the owner of the Kaiba Corporation, eh?" he asked.

"I suppose," Kaiba shrugged as he looked at the other duelists instead of paying too much attention to Pegasus.

"Enh. Well, we should set you up with a few duelists to challenge," Pegasus said as he led Kaiba to a random duelist. Kaiba followed him and really just wanted to show the world who the greatest duelist was.

A few yards later, Pegasus tapped on Joey Wheeler's shoulder. Joey Wheeler turned around to see Pegasus and Kaiba looking at him. He nearly spat out his salami and havarti tea sandwich when he saw them.

"Joey, Kaiba would like to duel you," Pegasus said with a wide and evil smile.

"Sure, why not?" Joey exclaimed all too enthusiastically.

"Great. You two have fun. Tata," Pegasus said before slinking away from them.

Joey looked at Kaiba triumphantly as he led them to the back of the room where rows upon rows of battling grounds were located. They both headed for an empty one. "Ha! You won't win against me this time," Joey said.

It was at that moment when Joey's clumsy sister, Tea, ran from behind Kaiba with a boiling hot fresh serving of tea in her tea cup and had somehow tripped on her own shoelaces before accidentally throwing the cup in front of her. The tea cup shattered and exploded, which caused tea and shards from the cup to splash onto Kaiba. She looked up with her blue eyes that were ironically the same shade of blue as Kaiba's were. Kaiba slowly turned around and gave Tea a very rude glare.

Tea was sprawled out on her stomach with her limbs together before she pulled herself off of the ground and discovered that her white blouse was covered in tea from her B-cup breasts up to her round collar. She also looked at the now tea-stained maroon overcoat that Kaiba was wearing. "I'm really, really sorry," she said as she brushed her light jean knee-length skirt off.

"Couldn't you tie your fucking shoes like any normal person?" Kaiba asked sternly because he was very angry about how his fancy coat was effectively ruined.

"Well, I did, BUT they came untied again for your information," Tea responded in the same fashion as the one in which Kaiba addressed her.

"Tie them tighter," Kaiba said flatly.

Tea crouched down to tie her now tea-stained tennis shoes and laces. She double-tied them this time to ensure that this mistake would not happen again.

To relieve the tension, Joey asked Tea, "What are you doing?"

Kaiba just rolled his eyes and began to take off his overcoat. He revealed his black spandex top, the only article of clothing not stained with tea.

"Well, Joey, I just wanted to announce that Yugi will be here shortly," Tea spoke quickly and began hopping up and down. "I'm so excited."

"Oh dear God. I got splashed with tea on my fancy overcoat by some girl whose name is spelled in the same fashion as the vile drink just to hear about her stupid obsession with Yugi. I don't see how the effort was worth it, really," Kaiba thought as he finished stripping off his overcoat and slinging it over his right shoulder. He rolled his eyes in sheer annoyance. "Women," he thought.

"That's great, Tea," Joey said. "Hey! I need you to watch me duel Kaiba. You're always great moral support."

"Really?" Tea asked. "I totally hope you kick his rump, Joey!" With that, she jumped in the air and posed dramatically.

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Fuck my life," he thought. "She needs to go away. NOW!" He walked into the duel area with Joey and Tea.


End file.
